Look What porn has teached men

[westhamsweden]

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't have even the slightest problem with you jamming your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
31. Every guy has a penis as big as peter north.
32. All women are completely bald.
33. Women really don't mind being picked up off the street and then fucked in a moving van.
34. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.
35. Any other girl is a MILF.

[pussinclaret]

westhamsweden said:

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are always rock hard and ready to go.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other (and the girl isn't disgusted!)
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't have even the slightest problem with you jamming your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting head from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. Assholes are clean.
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trouser and find a cock there.
29. Men don't have to beg.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.
31. Every guy has a penis as big as peter north.
32. All women are completely bald.
33. Women really don't mind being picked up off the street and then fucked in a moving van.
34. Any girl with pigtails is a teen.
35. Any other girl is a MILF.

REAL LIFE
1..Women wear old fluffy grey coloured socks to bed
2. Sometimes..but most of the time its like trying to raise the titanic..espcially when copious amounts of beer have been ingested.
3. 20-25 minutes is normal (longer if she is filing her nails/reading a book/watching tv)
4. A woman masturbating is usually done with the useless drunk git laying snoring next to her (see no. 2 above)
5. Usual response is 'errrrrrrr you twat' then a dash to the bathroom for a wet flannel
6. Only for money
7. Only if they haven't got the synchronisation of breathing thru the nose while they're eyes are watering and they are fighting the gag reflex
8. They fake it just to get back to watching Eastenders
9. Always worked for me
10. Does snoring count?
12. Probably
13. Do men still do that??
14. Women scream 'fank fuck thats over!'
15. Aint got a clue what that means
16. If a smile is a look of abject misery and a scream of pure pain counts, then yes.
17. Correct
18. Before he punches your lights out and clumps his girlfriend
19. Very easy to lose
20. Always works for me!
21. Does that include veterinary nurses?
22. When they have lost their hard on and 'need a rest'
23. 'fucking the both of you..'with a baseball bat, round your bollocks and up her crutch
24. Both are handy excuses and can be used at least 6 times a month
25. This spurs the woman on to suck a bit too hard and 'accidentally' bite it
26. Mine is
27. Better than walking about with a squidgy fanny
28. Only because they have lifted his wallet earlier
29. But it helps
30. That way he doesnt notice the girl looking at her watch
31. We will tell you anything if its going to make you feel good enough to spend money on us after
32. Only when they remove their wigs
33. Only if Robbie Williams is driving
34. Before she removes her wig
35. Only if you include a 19 stone mother of five fanny like a wire brush and a bucket varicose veined harridan

[westhamsweden]